Better Than Real Life:
How Silicon Valley's Secret Science of Persuasive Design Is Stealing Childhood

About the book

Better Than Real Life. Reveals what is known to only a handful of tech elite: how Silicon Valley uses its secret science of persuasive design to shift childhood from the real world into their for-profit virtual domains of social media, video games, and online videos. The technical details of persuasive design are quite complex and remain hidden behind industry facades. Yet the essence of this science is actually painfully transparent in its exploitation of kids’ developmental vulnerabilities: create consumer technologies that children and teens experience as better than real life

Of course, social media, video games, online videos, another “child-friendly” consumer technologies are not more healthful to kids than the essential real-world activities that they displace. But the science is so powerful that it is able to persuade children and teens, at a genetic level, that sitting sedentary on playtime screens is better than running and playing, better than engaging with school, better than spending time with family.  

In Better Than Real Life, child and adolescent psychologist Richard Freed shows that when children and teens live out their lives in Silicon Valley’s virtual world, two harmful effects occur: displacement of essential real-world activities and exposure to unhealthy content. This combination is increasing the risk that youth will suffer from any of a wide spectrum of problems, including epidemic levels of obesity, depression, suicidality, self-injury, body-image disturbance and eating disorders, academic struggles or failure, and video game addiction.  

Who’s protecting the kids? As a parent, an educator, a health-care provider, or other person involved in raising children, why aren’t you being informed about the risks that Silicon Valley’s persuasively designed consumer technologies pose to youth? Why has the industry been able to steal kids’ childhood with little to no resistance? Freed reveals that the leading “health-based” institutions claiming to protect kids from unhealthy technology are actually aligned with industry, often financially, and essentially act as promotional bodies for consumer tech products.  

Freed uncovers a dangerous double standard: a very small group of tech-involved parents are making fundamentally different choices about how their own kids use technology as compared to what their organizations preach is beneficial for other kids. The result is a shameful example of a small privileged group of parents being able to provide their kids a science-based childhood while the remainder of kids are pushed toward a screen-centered existence. This is wrong. Science-based parenting must be made available to all families. That is the intention of Better Than Real Life. Freed describes crucial actions to shield young people from persuasively designed screens. He also encourages parents and other youth caregivers to join together to fight for the low-screen, human- and activity-focused lives science says our kids need.

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Praise for Better Than Real Life

“Dr. Richard Freed's groundbreaking book, Better Than Real Life: How Silicon Valley's Secret Science of Persuasive Design Is Stealing Childhood, is a vital and eye-opening exploration into the hidden mechanics of technology addiction. In an era where mobile devices, video games, and digital media are ubiquitous, Dr. Freed unveils the addictive designs that ensnare our children's attention and exacerbate mental health disorders, addictive behaviors, and a disturbing phenomenon I've observed as 'virtual autism' in my own clinical practice. His incisive analysis reveals how the alluring world of screens is not just captivating but also perilously manipulative, leading to an epidemic rise in mental health issues among the young.
    “Dr. Freed courageously exposes the 'puppet masters' behind these technologies, shedding light on how technology and gaming companies employ neuropsychologists and neuroscientists to implement manipulative designs in their digital products. His book not only educates but also empowers parents, educators, and policymakers with the knowledge needed to combat these insidious trends. Better Than Real Life is not just a book; it's a call to action to reclaim childhood from the grips of persuasive technology and to prioritize the well-being of our future generations.”

Andrew P. Doan, MPH, MD, PhD

Aerospace medicine physician, ophthalmologist, neuroscientist, and author of Hooked on Games and Digital Drugs and the Struggle for Connection

“There is no other decision in raising a child today that is as important as how to handle screen use. This beautifully written and accessible book will give you calm, clear, and courageous information that cuts through profit-driven marketing, tech industry manipulation, and media hype. Better Than Real Life offers all parents the foundations needed to make wise choices that help us raise strong, resilient, and free-thinking young people.”

Kim John Payne, MEd

Author of Simplicity Parenting, The Soul of Discipline, and Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens

Richard Freed takes us on a deep and eye-opening dive into Silicon Valley’s ongoing, pervasive, and toxic campaign to capture the hearts and minds of kids and teens. This is an important book for anyone who cares about young people and their future.”

Susan Linn, EdD

Author, Who’s Raising the Kids? Big Tech, Big Business, and the Lives of Children

“In a world where screens dominate daily life, this book serves as a call to action to prioritize the health and happiness of our children. It prompts reflection on our responsibility to protect their right to a fulfilling childhood, free from the undue influence of technology. A must-read for anyone invested in the well-being of future generations.”

Melanie Hempe

Screen Strong founder

A must-read for any parent wanting to know why smartphones, social media, and video games are captivating our children and devastating childhood.

Brooke Shannon

Founder of the Wait Until 8th Pledge

“This book will haunt you, but in all the best ways. It's not enough to know our kids are being tricked and manipulated, it’s knowing how they are being tricked that will help parents—and kids themselves—make smarter screen-time decisions. A desperately needed new resource in the digital-parenting space.”

Victoria Dunckley, MD

Integrative child psychiatrist and author of Reset Your Child's Brain

“A lot happens behind the interfaces of social media and video games. Dr. Freed exposes the manipulative techniques used to get our children to spend more and more time on screens. This is information every parent should have, so that they can make more informed choices about how to help their children navigate the digital world safely.”

Douglas A. Gentile, PhD

Distinguished professor of psychology, Iowa State University

“This eye-opening book pulls back the curtain on the hidden forces exploiting our kids. It will empower you to take back childhood and to think critically of once-trusted organizations. A must-read for any parent or professional in this current digital climate!”

Kailan Carr, MEd

Author of Screens Away, Time to Play!

Better Than Real Life is exactly the book we need at this point in history. Anyone with an interest in raising happy, healthy children needs to understand what is being done to kids today. Dr. Freed's clear, insightful book shows us the costs of kids living their lives on screens at home and school, and how we can turn this around.”

Joe Clement

Award-winning teacher and co-author of Screen Schooled


“A groundbreaking account of how an industry has deceptively captured our trust in their lucrative digital media and evolving technologies while eroding the health of the most vulnerable of its consumers—kids. This book also illuminates how public health organizations have caved and failed our children and their caregivers. Dr. Freed offers clear and realistic action steps for the way forward.”

Gretchen Shanahan

Parent and digital wellness consultant

“No one explains the adverse effects of persuasive design better than Dr. Freed. Better Than Real Life masterfully reveals the ‘why’ behind our screen addictions.”

Matt Miles

Veteran teacher and co-author of Screen Schooled

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